Oh, honey, let me tell you about this shaving and waxing business. It’s a real pain in the you-know-what, I tell ya! I used to wax, you see. Thought it was the bee’s knees. No more razor, no more stubble, just smooth as a baby’s bottom. But let me tell you, it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.
First off, that waxing, it hurts! Like pulling out your eyelashes one by one, but on your legs! Or worse, down there! I tried that Brazilian wax once. Once! Never again. I thought I was gonna meet my maker right there on that table. And it costs a pretty penny, too. More than I spend on groceries in a week!
And then, you gotta let the hair grow. They tell you, oh, just three weeks. Three weeks! I looked like a woolly mammoth by the time it was long enough to wax again. Couldn’t wear my good shorts. Had to wear them long pants, even when it was hotter than a furnace outside. You need to be patient, but I ain’t got no patient.
So, I thought, forget this. I’m going back to shaving. It’s simpler. Cheaper. Don’t gotta wait a month to look decent again. I am going back to shaving after waxing. But now I got a whole new set of problems.
This razor, it ain’t like the old days. These newfangled ones, with all them blades, they just give me the itchy-scratchies. Red bumps all over. And the hair, it grows back so fast! Feels like I’m shaving every day. My skin is so dry.
And it’s thicker, too! I swear, it used to be fine, like a little baby’s hair. Now it’s like a darn wire brush. I heard it’s cause the shaving cuts the hair blunt, makes it feel rougher. They say waxing pulls it out from the root, so it grows back softer. Well, maybe. But I ain’t going back to that torture chamber, no sir!
I asked my neighbor, Mary, she’s got skin like silk, always has. She said the secret is to use a good sharp razor. And don’t press too hard. And use that shaving cream, the foamy kind. Not just soap. I will try it later.
- Use a sharp razor
- Don’t press too hard
- Use shaving cream, not soap
I tried that, and it helped a little. But still, it’s not like it used to be. The hair grows back so quick! And it’s still kinda prickly. And these bumps, they just won’t go away. Some folks say you gotta shave with the grain, not against it. Sounds backwards to me, but I tried it. Didn’t make much difference, to be honest. But the shaving cream is important, I think.
So, here I am, stuck between a rock and a hard place. Waxing hurts and costs a fortune. Shaving makes me itchy and the hair grows back like weeds. What’s a girl to do?
I guess I’ll just keep shaving. It’s the lesser of two evils, I reckon. But I tell you what, if I ever win the lottery, I’m hiring someone to pluck every single hair out of my body, one by one. With tweezers! At least then I’d be done with it for good!
Oh, and another thing Mary told me, she said you gotta take care of your skin after you shave, too. Moisturize, she said. Use some kind of lotion. Keeps the skin soft and helps with the bumps. I got some of that cocoa butter, the kind you use for stretch marks. Figured it couldn’t hurt. My legs will be soft!
It’s a bit greasy, but it does seem to help. The itching’s not as bad, and the bumps are starting to fade a little. I have to remember to use it every day, though. Otherwise, I’m back to square one. Remember to use some lotion after shaving can be good.
And don’t even get me started on ingrown hairs! Those are the worst! Little red bumps, all inflamed and sore. Like a pimple, but worse. They say you gotta exfoliate, whatever that means. Sounds like something a fancy doctor would say. I just use a washcloth and scrub real good. Seems to do the trick. Scrub real good can get rid of ingrown hairs.
So, yeah, going back to shaving after waxing ain’t a walk in the park. It’s a whole different kind of trouble. But at least it’s cheap trouble. And I don’t have to look like a gorilla for three weeks out of every month. That’s something, right?
I guess the moral of the story is, there ain’t no easy way to get rid of hair. Unless you’re one of them lucky folks who’s naturally hairless. Like a plucked chicken. If you see one of them, ask them their secret, will ya? And let me know!
I think I will still keep shaving after waxing.
