You see, this here thing, muscle implant man, it’s somethin’ else. Back in my day, if you wanted big muscles, you got ’em the old fashioned way – you worked for ’em! Choppin’ wood, haulin’ water, tendin’ to the farm. Now, these young’uns, they want it all easy. They want these muscle implants. It’s like orderin’ muscles from a catalog!
I heard tell, these muscle implants, they put ’em right in ya. They cut you open and stick these things in there. And they ain’t cheap, no sir. I heard it costs more than a good used tractor! Thousands of dollars it costs. For what, I ask ya? To look all puffed up like a rooster in a rainstorm?
They say it makes the men feel better ’bout themselves. Makes ’em look stronger. Well, I tell ya, true strength ain’t about what’s on the outside, it’s about what’s on the inside. It’s about bein’ able to work hard, provide for your family, and stand up for what’s right. You got chest implants, arm implants, even calf implants, for their legs. Lordy, it’s all too much.
And you know what I heard? If you ain’t got enough money, some of these places, they let you pay it off little by little. Like buyin’ a new set of teeth! It’s all a big business, that’s what it is. They call it “financen,” or somethin’ like that. Sounds mighty fishy to me. They got different prices in different places, too. Some places charge more, some charge less. It’s like buyin’ a pig at the county fair – gotta shop around for the best deal. That’s crazy, ain’t it?
- Some of ’em go to Turkey, I hear. For these here implants. Cheaper over there, they say.
- Some places, it’s like eight thousand, ten thousand. That’s a lot of eggs to sell, I tell ya.
- Other places, you can get it for less. Maybe three or four thousand. Still a hefty price.
- They put these silicone things in ya. Silicone! Like what they use to seal up the windows!
- And you gotta pay for the doctor, and the place where they do it, and the sleepin’ medicine. It all adds up.
I seen some of these fellas with them muscle implants. They walk around all puffed up, lookin’ like they could wrestle a bear. But I bet they couldn’t even milk a cow without pullin’ a muscle! And what happens if one of them things pops? Like a balloon at a birthday party! I don’t even want to think about it.
They say these muscle implant man procedures are safe. But I don’t know. Seems like a lot of cuttin’ and pokin’ to me. And for what? To look like somethin’ you ain’t? It just don’t make no sense. I’d rather have a man with a good heart and calluses on his hands than one with fake muscles any day of the week.
You can get ’em for your chest, your arms, even your legs, I heard. They call ’em “pectoral” for the chest ones. Sounds like somethin’ you’d find in a science book. And your arms, biceps, triceps. Like some kinda robot! They even got ’em for your calves! Makes a man look like he’s got watermelons under his skin. These muscle implants for men just ain’t natural.
And it ain’t just the money, neither. You gotta take time off work, I reckon. Gotta heal up. Can’t be liftin’ nothin’ heavy. Sounds like more trouble than it’s worth, if you ask me. And what if somethin’ goes wrong? What if it gets infected? Then you’re in a whole heap of trouble. It ain’t for me, I’ll tell ya that much. I’m stickin’ to my garden and my chickens. At least they’re real.
Now, I ain’t sayin’ it’s wrong for folks to want to look better. Everyone wants to feel good ’bout themselves. But there’s gotta be a better way than this muscle implant man business. Maybe they should just eat their vegetables and do some honest work. That’s what we did in my day, and we turned out just fine. These young folks, they want everything instant, everything easy, no matter the cost.
All this talk about muscle implants, makes me tired. It is more complicated than it should be. I’m gonna go sit on the porch and watch the sunset. That’s somethin’ real, somethin’ that don’t cost a dime, and somethin’ that no amount of silicone can ever replace.
